People troubled by illogical thinking often need the help of a psychologist or psychiatrist who is trained in recognizing cognitive distortions. The expert can point out illogical thinking and actually train a couple to think clearly.

You also can train yourself. The primary rule for clear thinking is to confront your belief with reality, that is, with real evidence. For example, what are the real chances of something you do ending in catastrophe? How many catastrophes have you actually had? Are you really ugly? Or do you have nice features, such as eyes or hair?

Therapists often ask their clients to make lists of good or bad things about themselves. This exercise shows patients that reality is different from their negative ideas. (Likewise, if you believe that nobody likes you, try writing down the names of people with whom you are friendly.)

Dr. Beck has shown that many depressed individuals owe their conditions to cognitive distortions. By removing the distortions, Dr. Beck and his colleagues say, they have been able to clear up depressive symptoms as effectively as drugs do.

In depressed patients, cognitive distortions foster a sense of worthlessness. For example, the patient thinks, “If everybody hates me” (or “If I am ugly,” or “if everything I do is a catastrophe”), “then I must be worthless.” A feeling of worthlessness often attacks non-depressed people who think this way, too.

Dr. Albert Ellis of the Institute for Rational Emotive Therapy in New York City thinks the tendency to distort is built into the human brain.

“When the human race was running through the jungle, thinking that a lion was around the corner was not unreasonable,” Dr. Ellis says lightheartedly. “Even if your perception was distorted – that is, there was no lion – you could live to run another day. Today, perceiving danger where there is none can be crippling.”

Much illogical thinking, he says, also comes from copying the thinking style of one’s parents, teachers, and peers, many of whom may have been trapped by their own distortions.

Dr. Beck reports that, once your thinking is crooked, you will distort what you see and hear and not know you’ve done so. As evidence, he videotaped confrontations between spouses. Later, he asked them to list the good things said. Couples in trouble could not list any. Yet, when the videotape revealed otherwise, neither the husbands nor the wives could remember having heard anything positive. Such distorted perceptions reinforce our mental distortions.

Dr. Ellis says many of the distortions come from unrealistic needs to be totally loved by everyone. Other unrealistic needs include these: “I must be 100 percent right all the time.” “I must have adoring, well-behaved children.” “I must be fashionably dressed all the time.” “Nobody matters but me.”

The bottom line is that the outside world cannot make you feel bad. Unbelievable as it sounds, it isn’t the actual loss of money, fame, or loved ones that affects your feelings. It is what you believe that counts.

Dr. Ellis cites the Roman philosopher Epictetus, who said: “What disturbs men’s minds is not events but their judgments on events.”

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GENERAL HEALTH