BREAST CANCER/PERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS: HUSBANDS AND CHILDREN
Some husbands have told us that their children assume that the death of their mother is a real possibility. Let them talk about their fears and their feelings with both of you if that feels right to you both. It may be that your wife cannot emotionally handle too much of this conversation at this time, and you can help by being the primary support person for your kids. Do not put them down. Do not give them pat statements that everything will turn out all right. They will sense that you are not being honest with them. If your doctors have painted an optimistic picture to you, share this with your children. Explain that in nearly all cases the cancer can be arrested, and that chemotherapy and radiation therapy are meant to kill all of the remaining cancer cells. Let them know that you too are scared. You will be surprised at how they will immediately want to help you. Let them try to help you; you will both feel better. Remember that all families are different and yours will react in ways appropriate for them.
Your husband’s male friends may have a difficult time providing him with any real emotional support. They may stare at their shoes when they ask how you are doing, clearly indicating that they are not really able to say anything further. If your husband is lucky, he will have one or two friends who Will seek him out—perhaps over the telephone—and ask how he is feeling. Your husband can try telling them how he feels and see if they pick up on it. If he is lucky enough to have male friends capable of real empathy, he is very fortunate.
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