BREAST CANCER AND YOUR CHILDREN: INVIOLABLE RULES
In any case, the experience of living with a parent who has cancer produces an unusually early awareness of mortality in the children. Such an increased level of sensitivity and anxiety often influences acutely the choices young adult children make about their work, careers, and relationships—choices that may set them apart from their peers.
Adult children who live far away from home may feel guilty about the distance and their inability to be of much practical help to you. Encourage frequent telephone calls and plan visits as you can. A good time for a trip home might be after your surgery when you could use some extra assistance for a few days. You might also plan time together when your treatment will be over. This will be something for both of you to look forward to.
They may want to accompany you to an appointment with your doctor(s) and may have questions to ask. It is extremely important to respect their maturity by including them, when it seems appropriate, and by fully sharing information about your diagnosis and treatment.
Mothers of adult children do not have to worry about who would raise their children should they die, but they otherwise have all the same feelings as mothers of young children do. None of us wants to face the possibility of leaving our children prematurely. We all hope to live long enough to see our young adult children settled, and we look forward to celebrating important milestones with them.
NEVER LIE TO YOUR CHILDREN.
ALWAYS LOVE THEM unconditionally and reassure them that your illness is not anyone’s fault. Let them know repeatedly that you will always love them, even when you do not like or appreciate their behavior at all times.
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